Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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