Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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