I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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