So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
