Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
