If that was your dad, he is hot
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
