my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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