He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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