hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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