got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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