At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
