My liver just broke up with me...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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