Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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