I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
