I puked a lego.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
