so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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