This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
