why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
