So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
