She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
