Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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