fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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