end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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