Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
