I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
