Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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