So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
