just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize