i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
