Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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