I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
