Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
