Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
