yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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