Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
