she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
