Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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