Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
