was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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