I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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