You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize