Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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