I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
