Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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