her vagine was all disorganized.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
