it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
