i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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