she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
In America we eat man semen.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize