Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
