My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
