Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
