So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
