I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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