i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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