Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
