took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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