Where did you get a picture of my penis
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
