Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
