I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
