Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You made out with two different species that night
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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