3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
