I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
