batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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