There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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