Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
