I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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