you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize