u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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