There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
