i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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