we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize