Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
