i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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