omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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