Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
