the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
