I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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