Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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