So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
