I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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