so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
