I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
