I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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