btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
