If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
