Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
