I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
