Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
