He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
