just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
