How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
