If that was your dad, he is hot
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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