i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
