wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize