She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
