Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize