At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
