Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
