next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
