Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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