he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
