if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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