I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
