You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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