Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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