In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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