I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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